Dinner For Three
by EmbellishedTruth
Summary: When Itachi's new mission involves seducing a pretty jinchuuriki, Deidara isn't pleased, and is deadset determined to ruin it every way he can. ItaDei. Oneshot.


**Yo! It's me again. New ItaDei fic! Hope you enjoy reading it. Ohohoho.**

**Disclaimer: Itachi and Deidara belong to Kishi. Terumi is mine, but I don't really want her.**

**Plus: Yaoi**

**Huge Thank You to Otouto (Akaru-chan) for all her help with the name, summary and other random details of this fic. I owe ya.  
**

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Itachi tightened the tie nicely around his neck and straightened out his dark shirt. His sharingan-less eyes flicked over to the clock on the drawer to check out the time. 7:35. In 25 minutes he would be out to dinner with the 5 tailed Jinchuriki- a young attractive woman harbouring a dangerous demon. Personally, Itachi was not particularly looking forward to it. But Leader-sama had ordered he befriend the young lady before drugging and kidnapping her back to the Akatsuki hide out.

Deidara was stretched across his bed, flicking in an annoyed state through a magazine. He flipped his hair out of his face and pouted.

"I still don't approve of this, yeah," he grumbled.

"Hn." Itachi muttered, he didn't really want to go either. Plus he had an overall bad feeling about the whole evening. Itachi picked up his Akatsuki issue mobile (he wouldn't own one otherwise) and dropped it into his pocket along with a credit card and keys, car and house. He gave himself a once over in the mirror before leaving. Deidara jumped up after him.

"Hey! Don't I even get a 'goodbye'?!" the blonde crossed his arms and watched Itachi get into his car. Itachi rolled down the window and leaned out to kiss Deidara, but pulled away at the last moment.

"Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone."

Itachi drove off leaving Deidara fuming in front of the house. Oh no, he wasn't going to do anything stupid. What he was planning would be clever and well plotted and seeming the work of a genius. Deidara smiled wickedly in the doorway before walking back into the house to get changed.

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Itachi smiled charmingly, something he found quite difficult, as his 'date' stepped out of her car and locked the vehicle behind her. Her name was Terumi Sasaki, 20 years old, 170cm tall, dark hair, tanned skin, blue eyes, from the Land of Earth, favourite colour: pastel pink, enjoys karaoke and bowling, two sisters and one brother. Itachi had memorised her file front to back- he was going to treat this whole night as just another assignment.

"Shall we?" Itachi offered her his arm, which Terumi gladly accepted with a giggle. He indicated to an Italian restaurant and the two of them entered. They were guided to a window seat that Itachi had booked the previous evening and spent the next few minutes indulging in small talk. Then their waiter appeared. He was a tall man, with long blonde hair that hid one of his cerulean eyes. Itachi inwardly groaned and his eye twitched.

Deidara smiled and handed out the menus. "Welcome to Marco's, tonight's specials are the grilled Ibodai in a white wine sauce and our soup is cream of keep-your-hands-off-my-man-you-bitch."

Terumi blinked, "beg your pardon, what was that last one?"

"Ah, cream of chicken and broccoli, yeah," Deidara's smiled had not faltered at all. Not even at the sight of Itachi's death glare. After taking their orders, Deidara left the table and Itachi excused himself to the bathroom. Once inside, he pulled out his mobile phone.

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Deidara heard his phone ring and fished it out of the back pocket of his jeans. He flipped it open and looked at the number.

0276 261 478.

_That's Itachi's number_, Deidara thought with a smirk. He pressed the green phone button and put the phone to his ear. 

"This is Deidara speaking, yeah," he said chirpily.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Deidara?" Itachi's voice hissed through the earpiece. The blonde couldn't help but smile.

"Whatever are you talking about 'tachi-kun," Deidara replied innocently, "I'm just working my part time job, yeah."

"You don't _have_ a part time job."

Deidara could almost hear Itachi twitching on the other end of line. "Well, I obviously do, otherwise, what would I be doing here?" Deidara said patiently. The raven-haired ninja sighed.

"Deidara, stop this childishness and just go home." He hung up. Deidara stood fuming… again. Pulling a white apron around his waist and tying it, he planned his next move.

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Dinner, in Itachi's mind, was going a lot smoother now that the food had arrived. Yet, Terumi continued to chatter on about her studies, and how her mother had wanted her train to be a ninja, but her father wanted her to follow a sensible career. Frankly, Itachi didn't care. But, he nodded and smiled.

Then he saw it. Luckily, Terumi was too busy ranting and waving her fork around to see the small (explosive) clay spiders crawling up the side of her bowl and towards her ravioli. He quickly interrupted Terumi.

"By the way, would you like a glass of wine?" Itachi grabbed a wine list off a passing waiter and opened it in her face. She giggled and took the menu.

"Well, if you insist."

"I do. And take your time choosing," Itachi wielded a spoon and carefully picked out all ten clay spiders. As he flipped them onto the floor and squished them under his shoe, Terumi put aside the wine list. Itachi, lacking anything else to do, put the spoon in his mouth.

"How about some cham- Itachi-kun! Did you steal one of my ravioli?" Terumi's tone of voice was scolding, but she her eyes twinkled gleefully. Itachi smiled painfully, disguising his grimace.

"Sorry, they were… irresistible." Terumi blushed and muttered something about it being 'quite alright'. Itachi was mentally sighing at the close call.

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"So, Itachi-kun," Terumi smiled at him over the rim of her champagne fluke, the golden liquid swirling behind the glass, "what's your favourite book of all time?"

"Wind in the Willows." Itachi said listlessly, sounding like a record player as he poked distrustfully at his lasagne.

Terumi's eyes widened. "Really? That's my favourite book too!"

_I know_, Itachi thought to himself as he resisted the urge to use his Sharingan on their meals - just to make doubly sure. _I also know that your favourite colour is blue, your favourite actress is Angelina Jolie, and your favourite movie is Princess Bride, but you hated the book._

Truth be told, Itachi was now too paranoid to even touch his meal, let alone enjoy it. He scanned the restaurant for the blonde, but he had vanished. Sighing quietly, he tucked into the lasagne.

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After paying the bill (just over a hundred dollars), Itachi slipped the credit back into his pocket and looked over at the smiling Terumi. Deidara watched through binoculars from on top of a building across the street. He had been foiled once- no twice- now and he wasn't going to fail this time. Smiling craftily, he formed the right hand seals. Itachi opened the door for The Evil Man Stealing Bitch, as Deidara had affectionately named her, and said bitch stepped out into the street. Just as the door frame and plaster of the wall came crumbling down on her. She screamed loudly and Deidara grinned. 

The dust cleared and Deidara's grin disappeared at the scene before him. Itachi had swept her off her feet and landed to the right of the falling piece of wall. Now, the raven-haired ninja was kneeling, holding the Jinchuriki girl very close to him. Deidara noticed much to his chagrin, that there was at most two inches between their faces.

"Are you going to be okay?" Itachi whispered, his eyes locked onto hers. Terumi nodded, her face flushed, and made an attempt to stand. She stumbled and Itachi caught her again.

"You're in no fit state to drive," Itachi stated matter-of-factly, "may I take you back to my place to recover?" Terumi blushed and nodded again. Itachi made a mental note to kill a certain blonde ninja when he saw him again.

Deidara cursed and threw his binoculars at the ground.

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Itachi pushed open the door to 'his apartment', in actuality it was another Akatsuki base used specifically for missions like this one. Terumi stepped timidly inside and looked around.

"Wow… it's so spacious, and you have such a nice view," she wandered over to large windows that looked out over the city. Itachi switched the lights on and strode purposefully into the kitchen.

"Would you like a cup of coffee, Terumi-chan?" Itachi asked politely. Terumi turned around from the window and smiled in a way that Itachi was sure was supposed to be seductive. She walked over to the counter, swaying her hips side to side as she walked and Itachi felt his eyes drawn to them. Terumi stopped at the kitchen counter and leaned on it in a way that showed off her cleavage. Itachi looked away and concentrated on making coffee.

"Yes please," Terumi purred_. She must have hit her head badly when the well collapsed_, Itachi mused.

"Why don't you wait for me on the couch," Itachi suggested. Terumi pouted but did as he said. The Akatsuki-nin carefully emptied a packet of tranquilliser into Terumi's cup and brought them over. He felt the girl move closer to him as he sat down on the couch and avoided her gaze. Terumi placed a hand on Itachi's knee and he stared at it, deciding what to do next. He lifted up her cup to offer it to her, just as the Jinchuriki leaned in for a kiss. The end result was the spilling of coffee all down Itachi's shirt. They both leapt up and Itachi backed quickly in the kitchen, the hot liquid soaking into his shirt. He tugged the shirt off as Terumi tried to apologise. "I'm SO sorry. I'm so clumsy and-" She was cut off. 

"No, it's okay," _Nevermind that you just ruined a perfectly good shirt_, "my fault really."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

Itachi shook his head, "just stay right there." Itachi entered the laundry and searched for a towel clean to up the worst of the coffee with. There was a scream from the living room and Itachi leapt back into the kitchen to find Terumi standing opposite Deidara. She was pointing wildly at him.

"Y-you're the waiter from before!"

"Deidara?!" Itachi realised his mistake. Terumi turned on him, her eyes shifting to yellow.

"You know him!?" she shrieked.

"Deidara! Quick, knock her out!" Deidara grabbed the first thing he could find, which happened to be the CD player, and ripped it from the plug hole creating a spark which caught the manuals sitting close by on fire. The blonde brought the machine down on Terumi's head, knocking her unconscious as smoke drifted up from the fire and set off the fire alarm and secondly the sprinklers above their heads. Water sprayed down on them, putting out the fire and drenching the two ninjas standing awkwardly in the lounge room. Itachi, still shirtless, started towards Deidara.

"This is all your fault!" Itachi yelled over the sound of the alarm.

"Is not! It's thanks to me you got her, yeah!" Deidara yelled back.

"If it weren't for you, we wouldn't have been in the predicament in the first place!"

"Yeah well, she was… you were…yeah" Deidara trailed off, looking unhappy. Suddenly, Itachi grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled him into a heated kiss. Deidara wrapped his arms around Itachi and responded to the kiss, feeling Itachi already pulling to get his shirt off.

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Deidara lazily watched from the bed as Itachi pulled on a pair of pants and walked through the spacious apartment to where Terumi was still KO. He bound and gagged her before shoving her in a closet. In the end, Itachi mused while watching Deidara yawn and stretch, the night hadn't ended _too_ badly.

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**Thank you for reading! Belle.**


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